Holidays and Emotions

I just spent the last hour watching A League of Their Own and bursting into tears at sporadic moments.

Maybe it's the holidays, or the fact that I just missed Thanksgiving at home. Or maybe it's because in exactly 31 days I will be leaving everything I know behind and moving to China in search for something more. Something better.

Maybe something better isn't the right words. I have everything a girl could want here in Portland: a nice apartment, a steady (if not tedious) job, and a wonderful boyfriend. But for me, that's not enough right now. I want to be completely lost in a new world, unaware of the language, culture, and way of life. I want to be immersed in something different, something unknown. I want to meet new people; people who aren't content to live their lives the way our culture is expected to.

I have been an emotional wreck this last week, but not in a bad way. I have spent the last hour crying, but not tears of sadness. I have been unbearably sad and yet extremely happy at the same time, a feeling I have never known before.

I am losing some very important aspects of my life very soon, and I can feel them slipping away slowly, out of grip, in these last couple of weeks But I know I must go. I must leave this cozy little apartment, this easy way of living, this wonderful relationship, and embrace the challenge that lies ahead. I don't know how long I'll be gone, where exactly I'll go, or who I'll meet, but I can't wait to find out.