Self Control

I have had absolutely no self control this past week. I have been eating a minimum of two kit kat bars a day, and devouring handfuls of a spicy snack similar to cheetos with the name "masala munch." I have been eating more grilled cheese sandwiches than is humanly possible, and have been sneaking away every hour or so to read another chapter from some awesome travel books that I bought in town the other day.

To make it all worse, I just recently returned from the store, my backpack filled with junk food and goodies, to supplement the meals I have been eating (or avoiding, I should say), at the orphanage. I can't seem to make my body consume the rice, curry, and dahl baht that the kids eat for breakfast, which is why I am eating an obscenely large amount of grilled cheese sandwiches, and lunch is usually crackers of some kind and black tea. Dinner is the same as breakfast, just with different vegetables (except on Saturday, when we have unidentifiable meat -- last week was the organs of some unknown animal, which I did actually try).

I guess I'm being a tad dramatic, but after over three weeks of these meals, I am ready for a change. I am tired of eating white rice and curry, and I know all this junk food is horrible for me (but I can't stop myself, literally!)

I am also ready to move on from the orphanage. I love it here, and I love the kids, but I'm ready to be on my own again. I am used to being on my own time, eating when (and what) I want, leaving when I want, and staying in bed all day if I feel like it. Here I feel like I am always supposed to be doing something, but I never know quite what it is. Everyone else has their own little roles, the lady who takes care of the kids and cleans, the cook who makes the WONDERFUL meals, and the other guys who pretty much run this place and can do whatever the hell they want. But then there's me, the American volunteer. The weird tattooed girl who doesn't like to eat rice for breakfast and can't speak a word of Nepali. Luckily I have gotten close to everyone because I don't care if they think I'm weird and I enjoy awkward, uncomfortable situations. The kids love me because I let them jump all over me and I run around with them like a crazy person. I will miss this place after I leave, but I am also excited to see what new adventures lie ahead.

I am supposed to be picking up my passport with my Indian visa in it tomorrow (fingers crossed that everything goes as planned and there are no problems with the visa process), and in less than 6 days I will be packing up all my stuff and leaving the orphanage. And on September 1st I am flying to India. Hard to believe that I've come this far, and have already been through China and Nepal.

As I've said before, I'm very excited to be coming home in November. Now that my good friend Mollie is back in China (I miss you Mollie and I hope you're settling in well!), I'm not sure if I am going to be spending any time in Portland on the way back home. I was originally going to spend three or four days, but now I'm considering catching a flight the same day I get in and going right home. I know I'm going to be pretty anxious to get there. It will be a long day, as I will be flying from Bangkok to Tokyo to San Francisco to Portland, and then the flight I will probably book is from Portland to Newark to Baltimore. Talk about a long day and a lot of flights! The end result will be worth it though!

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well back home, and I miss you all. I'll be home soon. Much love.